Bound to You
by Whovian13
Summary: Jeff's boyfriend breaks up with him, and his best friend Nick tries to comfort him. Then Nick discovers that Jeff needs something more than just a shoulder to cry on. D/s dynamic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This will be my first attempt at writing anything involving bondage or D/s, so I would really appreciate your opinion and constructive criticism. **

**Warning: Mentions of bondage and D/s**

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><p>Nick approached the closed door of his dorm room, reaching out to turn the handle, when his hand froze in midair. He could hear elevated voices coming from the other side. One of them was obviously his roommate and best friend, Jeff Sterling. The other voice could only belong to Jackson, Jeff's boyfriend.<p>

"Well I'm sorry, Jeff, that I just can't give you what you need. How could you let it go—let _us _go so long, knowing I wasn't what you wanted? Was it a joke? Or an experiment? Was our relationship some kind of game to you?" There was a short silence. "Did you even have feelings for me?"

"Of course I did—I do!" Jeff's voice got quieter, repentant but still audible through the door. "I thought I could do it. I thought if I just had you, I could get along without…all the other stuff."

"Yeah," Jackson replied bitterly. "Well, now you can have the other stuff, and you'll just…have to get along without me."

"Jackson…" Nick's heart clenched at the breathy, desperate tone in his friend's voice.

"It's over, Jeff. I'm clearly not what you need, and I can't be in a relationship with someone when I'm not enough for him. It's not gonna work if you have to go somewhere else to…fulfill your needs. To _someone_ else."

Nick heard shoes shuffling over the carpet, heading towards the door, and he made a move to back up. But the noise stopped and he froze again.

"Jackson…you don't think…"

"What?"

"You don't think, maybe, you could try? I love you Jackson. Maybe you could just…just give it a chance, and then we could be together, and _you _could be the one—I wouldn't feel like I needed to go to someone else if you could—"

"No! Jeff, that's just not in me. I'm sorry. I wanted it to work, but I could never do that. I could never be in that kind of relationship, and I'm already trying to understand why _you_ would want to be in one. If that's what you want, then I can't—I shouldn't try to stop you. But it's not gonna be me. Goodbye."

This time, the feet reached the door, and Nick took a few steps back. When the door was opened, he hoped it looked like he had just approached.

"Oh hey, Jackson, how's it—"

"See you around Nick."

Nick didn't take the time to watch Jackson walk away down the hall. He softly stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind him.

"Jeff."

His friend was sitting slumped over on the edge of his bed, staring at his hands resting lax in his lap. Jeff cleared his throat quietly.

"Hi Nick." It was so soft, Nick almost couldn't hear it. He sat down at Jeff's side.

"Do you wanna talk about—"

"Not right now."

"Okay." Nick wrapped an arm loosely around Jeff's shoulders, squeezing once in what he hoped was a comforting way. "Okay, but whenever you do want to talk, I'll listen…to _anything_ you want to tell me."

"Thanks."

Jeff rested his head on Nick's shoulder and tilted his face slightly to nuzzle against Nick's neck. As Nick held Jeff in his arms, he thought back over the conversation he had overheard. He thought he might know what it was about. He had begun to suspect that Jeff had certain…quirks when it came to his love life, but they'd never talked about it. He hoped that sometime soon Jeff would feel comfortable enough to share that side of himself with him, but he knew now wasn't the time to ask. So he just scooted back onto the bed and pulled Jeff close, holding him until he fell asleep.

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><p>Nick woke up, a little confused, in Jeff's bed. They had fallen asleep snuggled together, Jeff's head resting on Nick's chest and an arm thrown loosely around his waist. It wasn't the first, and it probably wouldn't be the last time, that Nick had comforted his friend, or vice versa. So it wasn't waking up in Jeff's arms that Nick found confusing. It was the fact that now, somehow, in his sleep Nick had ended up on top of Jeff. They were chest to chest, their torsos angled so that their hips didn't meet and their legs rested side by side on the bed. Nick's head was tucked into the crook of Jeff's neck, his cheek pressed against the soft, pale flesh curving under the side of his jaw. He didn't know if he had accidentally rolled over on top of Jeff, or if Jeff had pulled him into this position, but Nick immediately tensed, afraid that he was squishing Jeff too much.<p>

He moved slightly, attempting to lift his weight off of his roommate's torso, but Jeff made a soft whining sound in his sleep and wrapped his arms more snugly around Nicks' ribs, pulling him back down. When Nick's full weight was once again pressing Jeff into the mattress, the blonde let out a contented sigh and snuggled his cheek against Nick's tousled dark hair.

Unsure what to do, and not wanting to upset Jeff again, Nick lay still, relaxing into the embrace they shared. After a few minutes he was dozing off again, and he couldn't say how much time had passed before he felt Jeff shift under him. His eyes opened sleepily when he heard Jeff groan quietly, and he immediately raised himself up onto his hands and knees as Jeff's eyes fluttered open.

"Sorry Jeffie, I didn't mean to squish you. I tried to get up earlier, but you, um…wouldn't let go." He blushed a little and looked away at the last words, not because he was uncomfortable but because he was worried that Jeff would be embarrassed.

"Sorry," Jeff said groggily, "I guess I just liked having you on top of me." There was a brief span of silence during which Jeff's eyes popped open wide and his eyebrows shot up. Nick met his gaze.

"Um, I mean," Jeff stammered, but Nick just shushed him.

"Don't worry, I understand. Sometimes it just feels nice to be cuddled."

Jeff bit his bottom lip and glanced away from Nick's gaze for a moment. "Yeah I guess so." He pressed his lips together. "Thanks for, you know, being here."

"Hey, man, it's what I do."

Jeff rolled his eyes and wiggled out from underneath Nick, sitting up on the edge of the bed. Nick knelt behind him, giving him a little space while he asked, "You wanna talk about it yet?"

Jeff took a deep breath and fidgeted with his hands. "You said…it doesn't matter, right? Whatever I tell you, you'll still be my friend?"

"_Best _friend, Jeffie. There's nothing you could say."

"Okay," Jeff sighed, turning around on the bed so he was sitting cross-legged facing Nick. "W-well, um, how much of my argument with Jackson did you hear last night?"

Nick hated to admit that he had been eavesdropping, but Jeff seemed to know already that he had overheard something, so he decided to be honest.

"I heard, um, Jackson saying that he couldn't give you what you needed…and you said something about having to go somewhere else, or to someone else to get it?" Nick looked down at his hands and then back up to Jeff's eyes. "I assumed it had something to do with sex, but…" He cleared his throat. "You didn't cheat on him, did you? I meant what I said, you can tell me anything. I'll always be your friend, and I know you're a good person, so if you did, you must have had a good reason."

Jeff rested his hand on Nick's forearm. "I didn't—" He paused. "I didn't _sleep _with anyone else."

"What did you do?" Nick asked slowly. If it wasn't sex…then what?

"I…I was in a scene with someone else."

Nick knew he looked befuddled, and Jeff began clarifying quickly, as if he hoped that if the words came out fast enough, slurred together enough, Nick might not catch their meaning.

"There's this club in Columbus called _Restraint_."

"_Restraint_?" Nick repeated. "I take it it's not just a dance club?" Nick tried to keep his face relaxed.

"No, it's a—a bondage club. I mean, there is dancing, and there's a bar, but it's for people who have…interests like mine."

"Bondage." Nick pursed his lips, hoping he looked thoughtful and not uncomfortable. "You like to…"

"I like to be…tied down. Spanked." Jeff squeezed his eyes shut. "Flogged, blindfolded. Denied."

"D-d—," Nick stuttered. "Denied?"

Jeff raised his eyebrows at Nick. "You know?"

Nick's jaw dropped. "Oh." Even though Nick had put some thought into this already, had suspected Jeff had some kind of tendency toward BDSM, he was still surprised. _Orgasm denial_? Why would anybody want to not be allowed to orgasm? Wasn't that kind of the point?"

"Okay, so, you went to this club. To be…tied up?"

"I've been there before. I went there quite a bit before I started dating Jackson, whenever I was single. I've never had a boyfriend who was into that kind of thing. I've gotten a couple of guys to handcuff me to the bed, but it's not quite enough. One of my boyfriends kind of liked to spank me, but he would get distracted. He couldn't really focus long enough to cause any pain."

Nick tried not to flinch at the word _pain_. "He'd get too distracted?" Jeff blushed. Nick blushed a little too. He had seen his roommate changing clothes enough times to understand how a person could get distracted by his creamy, soft ass. Well, soft-looking. It's not like he had any first-hand knowledge.

Jeff heaved a deep sigh. "Anyway, I was at the club. I'd told Jackson I was going home for the weekend, but he went there to surprise me. My older brother, the only other person who knows this about me, told him where I was. But the dick didn't tell him what kind of a place it was, so he comes marching into the club, thinking—I don't know—maybe he's going to find me on a date with someone else or something, and instead finds me strapped to a bench having my ass turned red by a man dressed in leather and wielding a flogger." Jeff stopped short and averted his gaze from Nick, obviously not having intended to be quite so descriptive. "It was awful. He freaked out and was thrown out of the club for interrupting a scene. Then I had to throw my clothes back on and chase after him. He was gone when I got outside. I texted and called him over the rest of the weekend, and every day this week, but he didn't respond. Last night was the first time we'd talked since he found me at _Restraint_."

Jeff lowered his head and sniffled softly. "I know I shouldn't have been there. I mean it _is _a form of cheating, because it's definitely a sexual experience, plus I lied to him. I guess I was just hoping I could get it out of my system, do it one more time and then I would be able to be happy with Jackson. I _do _love him. I didn't want to lose him. But it's something I _need_, to be…ugh," Jeff sort of growled, apparently making the decision to just let it all out and not let himself be embarrassed. "To be dominated. It's something I need. And it's not even just during sex. I like to be controlled, given orders, praised when I'm a good boy and punished when I'm not." He met Nick's eyes again, steadily, but with a very clear layer of fear behind his gaze. Fear that Nick would be too freaked out. That he would lose him too.

Nick took a moment to absorb everything. He was a little shocked. He'd had no idea this was so important to Jeff, and that made him feel like maybe he wasn't a good friend if Jeff hadn't felt he could come to him about it before now. But mostly he was just sad, seeing the desperation and disappointment in Jeff's face, and wishing he could make it go away.

"Have you ever had someone to do that for you? I mean like the non-sexual stuff? How do you know you like it?"

Jeff sniffed again. "I've met people at the club who will take on that role for the night. They'll put a collar on me, sort of claim me for that time period, and let me kneel at their feet, give me orders, pet my hair and call me a good boy when I do something that pleases them. Or when I'm feeling guilty about something, I can just go there and find someone to punish me. They'll spank me or flog me, or even just order me to stand in a corner for a while. But the most important thing is that they _listen _to me, they let me explain what I've done or who I've let down, and then after they punish me they praise me for taking it well and tell me I'm a good boy again." He scoffed. "I guess it sounds pretty pathetic, but it makes me feel better. I guess there's just something about me that makes me most comfortable when I'm giving up control, letting someone else take charge of me and doing my best to make them happy."

There was a pause during which Jeff stared at his hands in his lap and Nick watched his downturned, dejected face. He didn't know what to say to Jeff. It was a lot to take in, but as he examined his feelings, he realized he had been right. Knowing this about his best friend didn't change a thing. If anything, he felt closer, grateful that Jeff had finally opened up to him. Eventually Jeff sniffled and stood up, walking toward the door.

"I'm sorry if this freaks you out, Nick. I didn't mean to mess up our relationship, but I totally understand if you need some time to decide if you can still be my friend. I probably should have just kept it to myself." He took a deep, shaky breath. "Anyway, I'll get out of here for a while, give you some space. I'll see you later."

He was shoving his feet into his tennis shoes when Nick stood up and walked over to him. He placed a hand gently on Jeff's shoulder.

"You don't have to go, Jeff. I don't need any time or space. I told you whatever you had to say to me wouldn't change our friendship and I meant it." He rested his other hand and Jeff's other shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "Just come back over here. We'll just hang out like we do every Saturday. You can tell me more about this whole, um, bondage thing, or we could just watch a movie. We can get some ice cream and say mean things about Jackson if you want." He winked at Jeff, who just grimaced in return.

"Thanks, but Jackson didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who cheated and lied. Not just about where I was last weekend, but about _who_ I am. I should never have gotten involved with him when I knew it wouldn't be enough." He shuffled back over to the bed and sat down, head in his hands. "I'm an awful person, and he didn't deserve anything I put him through."

Nick sat back down at his side, an arm around his shoulder. "Look, you're my best friend, so that automatically puts me on your side, okay? And maybe you made some mistakes, but everybody does. You didn't set out to hurt anybody, you're just human. You're gonna have to forgive yourself, man."

Jeff shrugged out of Nick's embrace and slumped over sideways onto the bed.

"I can't, Nick, it's not that easy. I was wrong. I did bad things. I'm a bad boy and I deserve to be punished."

Nick barely heard the words, as Jeff's face was buried in the comforter, but they shot through him like a jolt of static electricity. Jeff was almost writhing on the bed, obviously overwrought with guilt. Nick sat there, frozen. He wanted to help his friend so badly, but he didn't know what to do or say.

Finally, Jeff sat up with a sniffle, his eyes red but his face determined.

"I'll just have to go back tonight. I'll find someone there who will punish me. I'll pay for my mistakes, and then I'll be forgiven. And then I won't feel so bad anymore." He stood up and headed toward the door once again.

Nick shook himself from his stupor in time to ask, "Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna take a walk. I can't sit still. I'll see you later." Without turning around, Jeff was out the door.

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><p>As Jeff approached their dorm room, he was getting more and more nervous. He'd been gone for almost three hours; he'd wanted to give Nick time to think about everything. It wasn't that he didn't want to share this part of himself with his best friend. He just figured Nick could use some time to let it sink in, to get used to the idea. But now, what if over the last three hours Nick had realized that he couldn't handle it? What if the more he thought about it, the more twisted and messed up he realized Jeff was? Nick was Jeff's best friend, had been for the entire three-and-a-half years they'd shared a dorm. He didn't know what he'd do if he lost him.<p>

Fighting down the sudden nausea overtaking him, Jeff slowly opened the door and peeked into their room. Nick was sitting on his bed, propped against the headboard, his closed laptop at his side. He looked up and stared intently at Jeff, and it was all Jeff could do to keep from retreating back through the doorway. But then Nick smiled gently and sat up more fully, leaning toward Jeff.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" He looked genuinely concerned, and Jeff realized that this was one of his favorite things about Nick. He was always honest, always open, and never disingenuous. Jeff sighed and stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him.

"A little. I still feel awful about what I did to Jackson, though." He paused, while Nick nodded sympathetically. "And, I'm a little worried about…us. Are you still okay with—with what we talked about this morning? I totally understand if you're freaked out, but I can't stand the thought of losing you—"

In a flash, Nick was off the bed and standing directly in front of Jeff, holding both of his hands in his own.

"Of course I'm okay, Jeff. I didn't really know what to say before, and I'm sorry if that worried you. I just don't have much knowledge about that kind of thing—well, except, I _did_ read _Fifty Shades of Grey_—" Jeff smirked at that. "—but I get the feeling your experience is quite a bit different than that. I mean, that chick was basically just indulging the hot dude because she wanted to be with him so bad, but you actually _like _it right? I mean, it's something that makes you feel good, makes you happy?"

Jeff had sort of gotten lost in Nick's ramblings, but when he realized there was a question at the end, he nodded. "It is."

Nick nodded in response. "Okay, then we need to talk about this a bit more." He let go of one hand and used the other to pull Jeff over to his bed, where they sat side by side. "I want to know about this, how long you've been into it, what kind of experiences you've had." Jeff glanced uneasily at him. "I mean, you don't have to tell me any details if you don't want to, but I'd like to know if you've ever had any problems—you know during a…scene?" Jeff nodded when Nick looked at him to verify the terminology. "I just want to understand it better."

Jeff shifted on the bed so he was facing Nick more directly. He looked into his eyes for a moment before voicing his confusion.

"Why? Why do you want to know so much? I mean, I'm glad you're not running away or anything, but you don't have to listen to me go on about this just to make me feel better."

Nick looked down at his hands. "It's not that." He sighed, and Jeff waited for him to continue. "I just thought, if I knew more about it, if you could explain it to me, then I might be able to help you."

Jeff jerked to his feet, a chill prickling his skin.

"So you can, what, cure me? You want to psychoanalyze me so you can figure out how I turned into such a freak? Talk about my childhood so you can _fix_ me?" He was backing away, getting angrier by the second, when Nick jumped up, his eyes wide.

"What? No, Jeff, of course not! I love you the way you are, man, you have to know that. How could you not know that?"

He looked sad now, and as Jeff's breathing calmed down, he started to feel like more and more of an ass. His shoulders slumped and his head drooped just a bit. Of course Nick hadn't meant that. He should have known that, after years of friendship, Nick wouldn't treat him like a freak.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, keeping his eyes on the floor. "I do know that. I guess I'm just really sensitive about this. I've never told anyone before. My brother only found out because he walked in on me watching bondage porn, and he wouldn't let it go until I admitted that I'd tried it. He's actually the one who hooked me up with the fake I.D. to get into _Restraint_." Jeff raised his head and noticed that Nick had taken several steps in his direction, leaving some space but now almost close enough to reach out and touch.

"So, why do you want to know all this then? What did you mean by 'helping' me?"

Nick clasped his hands in front of him as if he was trying to keep from fidgeting.

"Well, I was just thinking, if you need someone to dominate you…maybe I could do it."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** **Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, followed, and even favorited the first chapter of this story! It means so much to me! Every time I got a new review I felt a magnetic pull toward my computer to write more of this chapter :-) And thank you to the guest who reviewed. I couldn't respond, but I would have if I could!**

**Now, I believe I mentioned before that this is my first D/s fic, and so I really would appreciate any feedback you have. I have no real experience in this area, so I'm basing this story off of others that I've read, some internet research, and—I'm not gonna lie—a few of "****_those_**** movies," as Kurt would say. That being said, bear with me if it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about, and please be gentle with me. On the other hand, if any readers do have first-hand experience with any aspect of BDSM, I would love your opinion and advice, either through reviews or PM's. Also, Jeff in this story is obviously the knowledgeable one, while Nick is just learning. That makes Nick me, and Jeff the internet (or any readers who share their expertise with me) :-D **

**Warning: Talk of BDSM practices. Pretty much the same as chapter one but with more detail. Next chapter should feature actual BDSM. Also this chapter has the beginning of a D/s dynamic.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO<strong>

"You—you…y-y—um…what?" Jeff stuttered, his eyelids fluttering rapidly.

Nick cleared his throat nervously, hoping he hadn't just totally freaked out his best friend.

"Well, I want to help you. I hate seeing you so upset, but I don't like the idea of you having to go find some stranger to take care of you. _I _could take care of you, Jeff…I mean, if it's not too weird." He looked down at his feet while Jeff remained silent.

Finally, Jeff spoke quietly.

"So, you really want to…dominate me?" The last two words were barely a whisper, but there was no way Nick could have missed them.

Nick swallowed. "Well, we could start simple. I mean, I'm sure the non-sexual stuff you talked about would be fine. It might take some getting used to, but I think I could give you orders and stuff. But it seems like the important thing right now is that you feel like you need to be punished, right? For what you did to Jackson?"

Jeff's eyes were on the floor, but he nodded.

"Right, so I could do that. I want you to feel better about yourself, and if that's what it takes, then I'll do it. You'll have to give me some pointers, and I'm not gonna pretend it won't be awkward at first, but I think it's worth it. What do you think?"

Jeff took a deep breath and let it out. "Are you sure about this? I mean, do you have any idea what you're suggesting?"

Nick blushed a little while he answered. "Well, I did a little research online while you were gone. I read about safewords, and about how I'll have to take care of you after you're punished so you can like, come back down from it or something. I won't leave you alone after I punish you. I'll make sure you're okay, and comfort you or cuddle you or whatever you need when it's over. I also read that you have the power, like just because I give you orders or punishments, or whatever, it's only because you let me, and I have to figure out what you like and what your limits are and stuff."

During Nick's rambling speech, Jeff's eyes had gotten wider and wider. By the time he'd finished, Jeff's mouth had dropped open. It was actually pretty adorable.

"What?" he asked, wondering if Jeff was going to tell him he was just too inexperienced and he'd have to go somewhere else.

"I just—I can't believe you would do this for me. I mean, you went to the trouble of looking all that up, and you—"

"I'd do anything for you, Jeff," Nick interrupted. "And honestly, I Googled it, it's not like I even went to a library," he smirked. Jeff looked at him with so much warmth in his brown eyes, Nick couldn't help but gently take his hand. "So what do you say?"

Jeff gave him a small smile, his eyes glistening with emotion. "Okay."

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><p>"Okay, so what's first? We need to work some stuff out, right? Rules and whatnot? I read about limits and stuff online, but I thought maybe we could just talk about this punishment for now, and then go into it more later, once we see how it feels."<p>

Jeff nodded. They were sitting, once again, side by side on Jeff's bed, turned toward each other, each one with a bent leg up on the bed, knees just brushing.

"Great. So, first, what about safewords? Do you just use the colors, red, yellow, and green?"

Jeff smiled, more to himself than anything. It really was cute how into this Nick was. Maybe he'd had a dominant streak in him the whole time that he'd just never explored. Then again, Nick had never shied away from trying new things. It seemed he was approaching this the same way he did every new experience, with optimistic curiosity.

"Yeah, that's standard at _Restraint_, and I've never really done any scenes anywhere else. It's easy to remember, and I like that it has the 'slow down' aspect to it. Sometimes you don't want to stop, but you can tell you're getting close to a limit, you know?" He blushed. Of course Nick didn't 'know.' To his surprise, Nick was nodding.

"I think I know what you mean. Like, whenever I go rock climbing, I want to try a higher, steeper wall, and it's always really exciting. But sometimes I get to a point where I know if I go any higher, I'm gonna be clinging to the wall, shaking like one of those little shivery dogs rich girls carry in their purses." He laughed at his own weird analogy. "I'm not really afraid of heights, but at a certain point, your mortality just sort of washes over you, and you realize if you push too much harder, you'll just freak out."

Jeff smiled. His best friend was amazing. He would never have thought to compare the two activities, but it was surprisingly fitting. And the fact that Nick was trying to understand his perspective was so comforting. Jeff was sure he would be a great Dom. _Don't get ahead of yourself_, he thought. _This is just a trial_.

"I like the color system too," Nick continued. "I like that it has green, because then I can check in, especially early on, while I'm learning your reactions and preferences, and then I won't get freaked out that I'm hurting you."

"Oh!" Jeff interjected. "I wanted to remind you, that you can use the safewords too." Nick scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. "I mean, just because I'm okay with something, it doesn't mean you're going to be comfortable doing it. So if, even after you start something, you realize it weirds you out, you can safeword too, and I'll know you need to stop. It's better than you just backing off without saying anything, because depending on how into it I am, that can just feel like you're abandoning me. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's cool. I didn't think of that, but I like it. Hopefully, though, we'll have an idea of where we stand beforehand so nothing too out of the blue crops up."

"Right, that's what limits are for, but that doesn't mean one of us won't get carried away."

"Yeah." Nick took a deep breath, and Jeff could tell he was trying to imagine what kind of scenario would constitute 'getting carried away.'

Jeff grabbed Nick's hand. "Don't worry about it, Nicky, we shouldn't have to worry about that for quite a while." He pulled his hand back and his chin dropped slightly. "Can we talk about my punishment now?"

"Sure, of course." He paused. "Can you tell me about some of your previous punishments, so I can get an idea of what you're looking for?"

Jeff nodded, but looked down at his lap, his hands fidgeting together. Nick reached out to tilt his chin up, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

"Come on, Jeffie, you can say whatever you want to. Remember, I'm not going to judge you. I'm in this with you, right? You have to be honest with me, though. There's no point in doing this if you're going to hold back. I can't give you what you need if you won't tell me what that is."

Jeff sighed, already more relaxed just from Nick's firm but gentle tone. "Well, first of all, I need to be punished for everything, for each individual thing I did. Like, if it's a spanking, then you could assign a certain number of strikes for each offense. Or it could be different punishments for each different thing, if that seems more fitting. Like, one time I went to _Restraint_ because me and a few friends were picking on this freshman who had tripped and dropped all his books. I told a Dom at the club about it, and he shackled my ankles together and cuffed my hands in front of me. He only let me wear my boxer briefs the whole night, and instead of letting the wait staff serve him, he sent me to the bar to get whatever he wanted. I had to do that all night, shuffling back and forth between the bar and his table, which was on the complete opposite end of the room—probably on purpose—while everyone stared at me as I walked awkwardly by. It sounds degrading, and it was, but it was fitting, because he made me feel exposed and clumsy, just like we'd done to that kid. Of course, he also ordered me to apologize to the freshman, which I did as soon as I could find him once I got back to campus."

He took a breath, remembering how much better he had felt after his punishment and smiling.

"And of course, before I left the club that night, the Dom asked me if I had learned my lesson, told me I had served him well and that I had taken my punishment like a good boy. He told me he knew a good boy like me would go straight to that kid and ask for his forgiveness, and that once I did that I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I was worried that he wouldn't forgive me, but the Dom said that if I was sincere and did whatever I could to make it up to him, he probably would. He also said that as long as I did everything I could, I could move on, because I had paid for my mistake."

Nick was watching his face, rapt. "And did the kid forgive you?"

"Yeah," Jeff chuckled. "He was so shocked that a senior was apologizing to him, he almost fell over himself swearing he forgave me. I think he ended up feeling like he owed _me_." He paused with a smile on his face, then continued. "The best part of that one was that I saw that same Dom almost a month later at the club, and he pulled me aside to quietly ask me how my apology had gone. He told me he was proud of me and that he knew I was a good boy." He blushed deeply. "That actually led to a scene between us that was a _reward_, and wow, that guy could—"

He cut himself off, avoiding eye contact with Nick.

Nick grinned. "It was good, huh? You'll have to tell me about that sometime. Maybe I'll be able to reward you too—" He started to stutter when Jeff's eyes widened. "I—I mean, if, um…you know, if we ever decide to d-do that kind of—of…stuff," he trailed off, his own face red now.

Jeff found his mind wandering, imagining what it would be like to have his attractive, strong friend leading him over and over to the brink of sensory ecstasy…

When he finally focused again, Nick was still rambling.

"—we haven't talked about that yet, and I know we're just friends, and it could complicate things if we get into anything too sexual, but you know, I wouldn't be against it, cuz I mean, you're hot, and I've always kind of wondered what it would be like to—"

"Wait," Jeff interrupted. Nick's mouth snapped shut and his eyes shifted to anywhere but Jeff's face. "You think I'm hot?"

Nick executed a sort of half laugh, half cough. "Seriously? Have you seen you? I mean, your ass alone… Not—not that I, like, stare at your ass all the time, but, you know, occasionally when you get out of the shower and you're getting dressed, I just happened to notice, um…"

Jeff laughed giddily. "It's okay, Nicky. You don't have to feel bad about checking out my ass. If I was embarrassed I would have always got dressed in the bathroom." He winked at Nick, who smiled shyly in return.

* * *

><p>"Okay, so I have a question."<p>

Jeff nodded silently, encouraging Nick to continue.

"So, you said spanking can be a form of punishment, right?"

"Yeah, spanking, whipping, flogging, that kind of thing."

"Okay, but you also like that stuff, right? Like, it turns you on?"

Jeff nodded again, this time with a slight blush.

"So, how is it different? I mean, how can it be a punishment if you think it's sexy?"

Jeff thought for a while, trying to figure out how to explain it.

"Well, it's different when it's a punishment. It can be in the way the strikes are delivered—how hard, how fast, and where. And usually when it's a punishment, the Dom will often have me count the strikes. With a regular scene, it's more spontaneous, sometimes teasing.

"But it's more about the mindset. Like, when I'm being punished, it's because I've done something wrong, and the guilt I feel keeps my head in the right space. It's also about the Dom's attitude. Like a lot of Doms will talk and tease during a scene, kind of like dirty talk, you know? Or they'll tell me how well I'm taking it, or how pretty my—my ass looks all red and everything."

Nick smirked at Jeff's sweet blush as Jeff carried on.

"But when I'm being punished, the Dom is usually sterner. If he says anything, it's usually to remind me why I'm being punished or to make sure I'm counting."

Nick nodded in understanding, but he was still curious.

"Has it ever not worked out that way though? I mean, did you ever accidentally get turned on during a punishment?" Jeff took a moment to respond, and Nick started to feel like maybe he was prying too much. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Jeffie. I'm just curious, but it's not really any of my business. I realize this might be too personal."

"No, it's okay. It's good for you to know as much as you can if we're going to do this. I want you to know this stuff about me. I've never had anybody close to share it with. I'm not exactly comfortable telling my brother any of these details."

Nick chuckled. "No, I wouldn't think so."

"Anyway, yes, it happened once. I went to _Restraint_ to be punished, but I wasn't in the right mindset. I had said something the week before that hurt someone's feelings, but I didn't realize it at the time. So when he finally confronted me and told me how pissed he was, I apologized of course, but I was still kind of defensive about it since it hadn't been intentional. So that weekend I went to the club. The dude had already forgiven me, but I figured I should go ahead and get the punishment as soon as possible so I didn't suddenly feel bad about it later. I probably should have waited until it sunk in how much I had hurt that guy's feelings, but I just wanted to get it over with. So when I got there and found a Dom, I wasn't really feeling that guilty about it. The other problem was that I was super horny. I hadn't had sex, let alone a good scene, in a while, so it didn't take much for me to get turned on. Then, the fact that the Dom was totally hot, and had me over his lap to spank me instead of on a bench or something, just made my body have a hard time getting on board with the fact that it was supposed to be a punishment."

"So what happened?" Nick was leaning forward, chin resting on his fist as if this was the most fascinating story he had ever heard.

"Well, I started to get hard of course. I wasn't counting properly, and I kept, um, moaning every time he hit me."

Nick smirked a little at that. "Did he get mad?"

"No," Jeff answered, shaking his head. "A good Dom won't let his emotions get in the way, even if a sub isn't behaving properly. But he knew it wasn't working, so he stopped."

"So did you ever get your punishment?"

Jeff smiled ruefully. "Oh yeah. He made me stand in a corner and told me to think about how I had made that kid feel until I was soft again. He went over to a table and had a drink while he waited. After thirty minutes, he came to get me and we started again."

"And you didn't get turned on again?"

"I couldn't…"

Nick's brows furrowed. "Huh?"

"Have you ever heard of a, um, cock cage?"

Nick shook his head, his face paling slightly.

"It's pretty self-explanatory. It's made to fit when you're soft, so that it's impossible to get hard. And if you do get turned on, it just hurts. He gave me one when he had me stand in the corner, and ordered me to put it on as soon as I was soft. Then he finished the spanking that way, and it was much more effective. I was already in a more appropriate mindset because of the corner time, and the cage was a very effective reminder that this was not supposed to be an arousing event."

"Wow." Nick shifted on the bed. "So, how do you want to do your punishment? Spanking sounds pretty straightforward. I think that seems like a good way to go this time, before we try anything more…creative."

Jeff nodded, his body immediately relaxing, almost drooping, into punishment mode. "Okay. You get to decide."

"Right," Nick affirmed, straightening up. He was silent, clearly considering something. "How many strikes have you taken before, and what was the offense?"

Jeff noticed that Nick wasn't hedging anymore, sounding now as if it was his right to ask these personal questions. It made Jeff feel safe.

"Um, forty, si—" He looked up into Nick's eyes. "Can I call you 'sir' now?" he asked tentatively. Nick's gaze darkened, his eyes widening slightly, and he nodded. "Thank you…sir. Forty. It was for freaking out at my parents, calling them a lot of awful things, including homophobic—which as you know is the furthest thing from the truth—and leaving the house for two days without telling them where I was."

"And this was just with a bare hand, or with some kind of implement?"

"A hand, sir. I've only taken twenty strikes with a crop. I, um, have one…in my closet, if you want to use it."

"Do you have any other tools here?" Jeff heard and felt Nick shifting again on the bed, but he didn't look up.

"A cane, handcuffs, a ball gag, um…some rope and leather straps, three different kinds of collars, and a few floggers. Sir."

Jeff still felt terribly guilty about what he had done to Jackson, but listing all of his equipment and imagining the possibility that he actually might get to use it _here_, with Nick, was causing him to get a little distracted. He had only had real scenes at the club. He'd tried a few things on himself in his bedroom at home, but it was clumsy and not very satisfying at all. But he and Nick had their room to themselves. They had the remaining few months of their senior year to try all of Jeff's stuff, and maybe even buy a few others—

"Jeff!" Nick said, not shouting but with an intense, disapproving darkness to his voice. Jeff's head snapped up, his eyes meeting Nick's stern face.

"I'm sorry, sir. I got distracted."

"Tell me what you were thinking."

Jeff's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed, but Nick just tilted his head, waiting.

"I—I was thinking about the stuff in my closet. About using it…with you. And maybe buying more."

Nick just nodded once and waited for Jeff to continue.

"A-and I was thinking about how this is different, and, um, exciting for me, because I've never done a real scene or anything outside of _Restraint_, let alone with someone I…someone I know and feel close to."

"Okay," Nick replied, his voice a bit softer but still authoritative. "That's understandable, Jeff, but you need to focus so I can take care of you. Can you focus for me?"

Jeff swallowed hard, the words _I can take care of you_ bouncing around in his head.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, good." He rested a gentle hand on Jeff's shoulder. "I'm not going to use any tools this time. I want to get a little experience with some of those things before we try them together. And I've decided how many strikes."

Jeff nodded in the pause that followed, his head going down again.

Nick rose from the bed and turned to face Jeff, who looked up at him while he began counting on his hands.

"Five for lying to Jackson about where you were that weekend."

Jeff nodded to show he was listening.

"Ten for participating in a scene at the club, because that was _cheating_, Jeff, no matter how different it was from what you and Jackson would do together."

Jeff nodded again, grateful that Nick wasn't letting him off on any kind of technicality.

"And twenty for lying throughout your whole relationship with Jackson about who you are and what you wanted. You led him on. You didn't give him a chance to know you, but you made him think that he did. And you prevented yourself from being happy by denying your own urges." He made sure Jeff was looking him in the eyes. "Does this seem fair to you? You can say no and I won't be mad."

Jeff nodded eagerly. "Yes sir, that's fair. I didn't think about all those things before. I didn't mean to be so dishonest to Jackson, but I was, and I broke our relationship. I made it impossible for it to last. And I hurt Jackson in so many ways." He swallowed the emotion that was rising up in him at all his failures, but his eyes still watered without his permission. "Thank you, sir."

"Okay," Nick sighed, checking his phone. "Here's what we're gonna do. If we head downstairs now we can catch the end of lunch service. Neither of us has eaten all day, unless you had something while you were out?" Jeff shook his head. "Right. I want to wait until later to punish you. If we do it at dinnertime, almost no one will be in the dorms, and we'll turn some music up to cover any sounds. Then after we're done, we'll get our own dinner."

"Yes sir." Jeff nodded. That made perfect sense. While he didn't want to wait too long, it was still sooner than if he had had to wait and go to the club that night. Plus, it would be _Nick_.

"Go wash your face and try to calm down a bit. You don't have to worry, Jeff. I'm going to take care of you, and then all of this will be over. Once we're downstairs, you of course can't call me 'sir,' but you will obey any commands I give you, even if they sound more like requests. I want you to say my name as often as you can instead of 'sir,' without it sounding out of place. And we will sit right next to each other, touching as often as possible. I want you to remember that I am in charge of this, and that _I _will be the one to punish you for your mistakes."

"Yes sir," Jeff said as he headed to the bathroom. He stopped partway to the door and turned around. "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"What if we run into Jackson? What should I do?"

Nick looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Hm. You should talk to him if he approaches you, but I don't think he will. He'll need some time before he'll be ready to talk. But bear in mind that when he _is_ ready, you will have to listen to him, and you will give him a thoughtful, sincere apology. Until that happens, though, my punishment will be enough. Once we're done, you will be forgiven and you won't let it tear you up anymore. You will forgive yourself, okay?"

"Okay, sir."

"And if we do see Jackson today, we'll play it by ear. If it gets too bad, I'll put an end to it and we'll just leave. Now go wash your face."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! It makes me so happy :-) Also, I have to thank my new friend Dixi for some very insightful advice and support—your words improve my confidence like you wouldn't believe, and as you can see, one of your suggestions is already in the works, so thanks!**

**Warnings: D/s dynamic, spanking, (unintentional) abuse of power and sub drop at the end.**

* * *

><p>"Jeff, you're not eating."<p>

Jeff looked up from his plate, where he had been pushing food around with a loosely held fork.

"I'm sorry…Nick. I'm just nervous."

Nick frowned, then looked around to make sure no one was sitting too close to them. As it was getting close to the end of lunch service, there weren't very many guys in the cafeteria, and he and Jeff had a long banquet table almost to themselves. Their only neighbor was a twitchy looking freshman sitting at the far end scarfing down his food as quickly as humanly possible. Satisfied that the boy wouldn't be able to hear their quiet conversation, he leaned his head toward Jeff

"Why are you nervous? Are you worried about me? That I won't…do it right?"

"Oh, no! It's not that, si—Nick. I trust you, so much. In fact, I have a feeling you're going to be better at this than you think." He blushed a little, and Nick smiled. He wouldn't deny that he was a bit anxious about this, having never done anything like it before. But he could already feel himself slipping quite easily into the role of dominant, and the fact that he was doing it for Jeff just made it feel even more natural. But he was so inexperienced, and he desperately didn't want to let his best friend down.

"Then why are you nervous? We agreed on the number. Do you want to change your mind?"

Jeff shook his head vigorously. "No. It's a lot, but it's fair. I deserve it. And I—I need it." He leaned slightly toward Nick, as if he wanted to rest his head on Nick's shoulder, but then he straightened up, looking around the sparsely populated room.

Their knees were brushing under the table, and Nick slid his hand from where it rested on his own thigh over to softly grip Jeff's, just above the knee. Jeff sighed, a slight smile turning the corners of his lips up.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Nick nodded in acknowledgement before speaking. "Can you tell me what's bothering you?"

Jeff spoke quietly, his head down, but clearly enough for Nick to understand. "I'm just kind of worried. I'm really grateful that you're willing to do this for me, but it's not really your thing, and I don't want to be a burden." He paused, but Nick just gently rubbed his fingertips over Jeff's kneecap and waited.

"I'm afraid this is going to change our friendship—I mean it _will_ change it, no matter what happens from now on, and I don't want to lose you. What if we try this, and it totally freaks you out? What if it's different than you expect and you can't even look at me after we're done?" His eyes were starting to tear up by now. "What if—what if you realize I'm too messed up to be around…what if I make you sick?"

Jeff was breathing too fast now, his normally pale cheeks were tinged with pink splotches, and the tears were streaking one at a time down his face. Nick immediately wrapped both arms around his friend's body, trapping his elbows to his side, and pulled him close to his chest. He ran a hand up the back of Jeff's neck and into his soft blonde hair, using just enough pressure to tuck his face into his own neck.

"Shh, Jeffie, it's okay. Take a deep breath. A slow, deep breath." After a minute of sniffling and quick gasps against Nick's skin, Jeff finally heaved a shaky sigh. Nick rubbed his back slowly. "Good, that's a good boy," he whispered directly into Jeff's ear. He kept rubbing as Jeff started to relax against him, still sniffling but with only occasional spasmic gasps interrupting his slower breaths.

"No matter what happens, Jeff, we'll still be best friends. Always. You could paint your body purple and decide to wander around the jungle, and I would follow you just to make sure no snakes bit you." He smiled at Jeff's shaky giggle. "I'm doing this because I want to help you, and because you are important to me. And honestly, because I'm intrigued. You're not making me do anything against my will, or anything that makes me uncomfortable."

He moved his hand from Jeff's hair and rested it against his heated cheek, wiping the tears there with his thumb. "And even if this doesn't work out. Even if it's weird or one of doesn't want to go any further with this after tonight, you'll still have me. We'll have each other, okay?"

He felt Jeff nod against his neck just as a voice spoke from a few feet away.

"What's up guys?" Nick looked up to see Trent standing on the other side of the table with a tray in his hands and a concerned look on his face. "You okay?"

Jeff started to raise his head, but Nick subtly pressed his face back into his shoulder.

"Jeff's not feeling very well. I'm gonna take him back to our room and get him settled in bed."

"Oh, okay," Trent said, tilting his head sympathetically. "You guys need anything? I think I might have some Pepto in my room."

Nick smiled up at probably the most compassionate guy he knew.

"No, we're all set, but thanks Trent. We'll see you tomorrow for that extra Warbler rehearsal, right?"

"Ugh, don't remind me. I can't believe Wesley is making us rehearse on a Sunday!"

Nick laughed at Trent's dramatics, still holding Jeff closely to him.

"He just wants us to be the best that we can be, T. That takes discipline." He tightened the hand that was resting on Jeff's shoulder, and the blonde inhaled sharply. "There's nothing wrong with holding yourself to a high standard."

Trent sighed exaggeratedly. "Sure, if you want to be _mature_ about it, I guess." His small smirk made Nick laugh, and he even felt Jeff chuckle against his chest. As Nick began to rise from his seat, pulling Jeff with him, Trent set his tray down.

"Hey, at least let me get you guys some to-go boxes. You've barely touched your lunch." Without waiting for an answer he bustled off to the beginning of the food line to grab a couple Styrofoam containers and some plastic silverware. He came back to the table with a grin and started loading up the lunches. "There you go! Feel better Jeff. I'll see you tomorrow if you're up to it. Don't let Wes bully you into attending practice if you still don't feel well."

Jeff, who was now leaning against Nick's side, smiled sweetly. "Thanks, man, I won't. And thanks for the lunch."

Nick added his thanks and then led Jeff out of the cafeteria.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry for getting all emotional on you back there, sir." Jeff sat on his bed with a sigh, placing the food container on his nightstand. "I didn't mean to cause a scene."<p>

Nick approached Jeff and gently squeezed his shoulder. "No biggie. This is a pretty big step, for both of us. I'm glad you were honest with me. Are you feeling better about it now?"

Jeff nodded, looking up at Nick through his feathery bangs.

"Good. Now eat your lunch. At least the sandwich and the apple. We can watch a movie while we eat if you want."

"Yes sir," Jeff responded, immediately opening his lunch and starting in on the apple. "Can we watch _Mulan_, please?"

Nick smirked, but got the movie started. "You know, I'm never quite sure if you're more into the Captain or Mulan dressed as a boy. I think you might be a little straight, Jeffie."

Jeff blushed, swallowing his bite of sandwich. "When she's dressed as Ping, she might as well be a guy. Plus, I like how agile she is. And I like the way the martial arts looks like dancing."

"Well, I'm in it mostly for the tiny talking dragon. Now come over here." He patted his bed next to him. "You can sit by _me_." He tried his best Eddie Murphy impression, which wasn't very good, and Jeff giggled at him as he crawled onto the bed. He snuggled into Nick's side, resting his head on his shoulder as he popped the last piece of his sandwich into his mouth.

"Is this okay?" He looked up shyly.

"Of course, Jeffie, we do this all the time…" Nick let his confusion show on his face.

"I know, but _sir_, I don't have to sit next to you. You could have me sit somewhere else, or even…kneel on the floor, if you wanted."

Nick shifted so he could get a clear look at Jeff's face. "Do you want to do that?"

Jeff tilted his head down. "Well, I _am_ pretty comfortable right now, but maybe sometimes, you know, if we do this in the future…"

Nick smiled. "Good, cuz I'm comfortable too. And we can talk about the other stuff later, either tonight or tomorrow. Once we get through your punishment, assuming we're both happy with it, we can go over a list of limits and stuff." He shifted back to his original position, not looking at Jeff this time when he spoke. "I…found a kind of checklist online. We can print it out and talk about all that stuff tomorrow."

He felt Jeff wiggle slightly next to him, and he heard a suppressed squeak of happiness.

"Yes sir."

* * *

><p>When Nick woke up a while later, the TV was repeating the main menu screen over and over. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost six o'clock—just a few minutes before dinner would start being served.<p>

_It's almost time_, he thought, his body tensing. He gently untangled himself from Jeff, who only complained slightly in his sleep, and eased off of the bed.

"Okay," he whispered to himself, unconsciously pacing around the room. He had to get ready. _Get ready? How do you prepare for this kind of thing?_

He went into the bathroom and looked at his face in the mirror. His eyes looked sleepy, his hair mussed up, and his shirt was wrinkled. He pulled off his shirt before splashing cold water on his face, then grabbed a comb to get his hair under control. He wanted to look presentable, confident. In charge.

He headed back into the bedroom and starting sifting through his closet. _What is the appropriate outfit for your first time spanking your best friend's bare ass?_ He snorted quietly at his thoughts. _Oh god. Jeff's bare ass._ Just the thought of it made his heart speed up a bit. And he was going to touch if for the first time. _No, not touch. Spank. Strike. This is serious. Clinical. _As much as he couldn't deny that he would love the chance to caress and squeeze that pale, supple flesh, Nick had to remind himself that this was for Jeff. He couldn't let himself get turned on during this. Not only would it be embarrassing, but it would make it look like he didn't take Jeff's pain—both emotional and physical—seriously. And he so did. He started this whole thing to make Jeff feel better, and he would just have to focus on that. He couldn't let Jeff down.

After donning a fresh, dark blue button-up shirt and changing into a clean pair of jeans, Nick went to the bed and gently roused his friend.

"Wake up, Jeff. It's almost time."

Jeff immediately opened his eyes with a sharp inhale. He turned his head to look at Nick, and when their gazes met he sat up on the edge of the bed.

"Yes sir," he said with a dry throat, swaying slightly in his sleepiness. Nick rested a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay. We have a little bit. I figured we'd wait until 6:30, when dinner is in full swing. Is there anything you need before we start? Do you want a drink?"

Jeff looked up with wide brown eyes and nodded faintly. "Yes, please."

Nick grabbed a bottle of water from their mini fridge. "Here you go." As Jeff took a few swallows, Nick cleared his throat.

"So, I need you to walk me through exactly what you'll need when we're done, okay?"

Jeff played with the cap of his water bottle. "Well, it's important that you tell me I'm forgiven as soon as it's over. And maybe say something nice to me. I could probably also use a hug." Nick nodded. He'd read some of that online. "Also, I'm going to be in a lot of pain. I have some lotion you can…you can rub it into my, um, skin, to help cool it down and soothe it."

Nick felt himself blush a little bit. _Okay, don't get turned on while rubbing lotion into Jeff's ass._ He sighed, hoping he would be able to stay in the right mindset. _Take care of Jeff._

"And then," Jeff continued, graciously ignoring Nick's flushed face, "I'd appreciate it if we could cuddle for a while. I'll be a bit fragile for a few minutes afterward, you know with all the emotions and the physical sensations. Please don't leave me alone at first."

"Of course not, Jeffie. I'll be right here. I promise." Jeff smiled up at him, fiddling with his water bottle. Nick checked the clock. _6:20_. "Okay, grab the lotion and put it on my nightstand. Then go change into a pair of sweatpants and freshen up in the bathroom, and then we'll get started."

Jeff stood. "Yes sir."

* * *

><p>"Tell me what the first five are for." Nick's voice was stern, almost hard, and his hand was pressing firmly into the middle of Jeff's upper back. Jeff was lying on his stomach on the bed, the waistband of his sweatpants tugged down just below the curve of his ass. His arms were out in front of him, bent at the elbow, his forearms crossed loosely over his head. Nick stood at the side of the bed, and Jeff turned his head so he was facing his temporary Dom. There was music coming from the stereo above the dresser, but it wasn't so loud that they couldn't hear each other.<p>

"F-for lying to Jackson about being at _Restraint_, sir."

Nick's face was impassive, but he nodded. "Good. Now count."

He raised his hand and brought it down sharply against a bare cheek. Jeff hissed, but kept still, his voice strong when he said, "One."

There was a slight pause, and then another stinging smack on the other side. "Two."

The next three were in quick succession, hard and fast against the left side of his ass. "Three, four, five."

"And the next ten?" Jeff had squeezed his eyes shut by this time, but he could hear that Nick's breathing was faster and heavier than normal.

"For cheating on Jackson, sir."

"Keep counting, starting with six."

The next ten strikes were evenly spaced apart, five on each side, and by the time Nick paused again, Jeff's ass felt like it was burning up. He took the opportunity to suck in a few slow, deep breaths, while Nick stood silently over him.

"Now, tell me about the last twenty," he finally said.

"I lied about my true self. I didn't let Jackson see the real me." Jeff heaved a guilty sigh. "I made him think he knew me, that we were close, that he could trust me. I was dishonest." The next deep breath had a shudder to it, and Jeff tried to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. "I kept myself from the chance to be happy. I hid, I lied, I pretended to be something I'm not. I hurt him and I hurt myself…sir."

"Yes, you did. And that is why you are being punished." Jeff felt the sting again. His skin had cooled slightly during the interim, but the heat was back immediately with the first strike.

"Ah—sixteen." As the strikes continued, Jeff felt his face heat up as well. Tears fell in earnest down his cheeks and dripped onto the comforter. He counted out breathy numbers while Nick silently brought his hand down over and over. It hurt, so much, and it took everything Jeff had not to squirm away as he counted out _thirty_ and then _thirty-one_. But he forced himself to stay still. Instead he let the tears fall. He let the guilt wash over him, a wave cresting in a swirl of hurt and sorrow, until it finally receded to a cooling, cleansing, calming pool.

* * *

><p>Nick needn't have worried. This was not sexy. It was not a turn on to see his best friend cry, to see the pain in his face. But it <em>was<em> intense. And amazing. As he turned the pale flesh of Jeff's ass redder and redder, he realized he was witnessing the purest, most honest emotion he'd ever seen. Jeff was counting dutifully, even when he had to sniffle around the words, and he was almost perfectly still. But Nick could see that the more pain he inflicted, the more prominently Jeff's guilt and grief showed in the slant of his mouth and the crinkle of his eyelids.

At first the red blush of Jeff's creamy skin caused Nick a bit of alarm. He had known it would happen, of course, but he was still shocked to see those angry splashes of color left by his own hand. After about twenty strikes, his palm started to hurt a little, but he ignored it, knowing that it was nothing to what Jeff was enduring.

He was relieved when Jeff finally stuttered, "thirty-f-five," and he immediately knelt on the floor at Jeff's side and began stroking his face.

"Good, Jeff, you were so good. You're all done now, sweetie, totally forgiven. You're such a good boy, such a good, sweet boy, Jeff. So good for me, baby."

He could barely control the words coming out of his mouth as he nudged Jeff until he was lying on his side facing him. He wrapped an arm around Jeff's shoulder and pulled him close, sliding his fingers into the soft blonde hair at the back of his head. He could feel Jeff shaking, and he hoped it was only the release of emotion and a normal reaction to the punishment. He was terrified that he might have done something wrong.

"How are you feeling Jeffie?"

Jeff's eyes opened slowly, eyelashes shiny wet from the tears. "So much better. Thank you, sir. Thank you…" He trailed off, and his eyes closed again, his body relaxing into Nick's embrace. Nick allowed him to roll onto his stomach again and reached for the lotion.

"You're welcome, Jeffie, you were so good. You did so well," he murmured in Jeff's ear. "I'm going to put some of this lotion on you now, okay?" Jeff made a soft humming sound, so Nick proceeded.

He pumped a small amount into his palm and gently smoothed it onto the hot, red skin. Jeff hissed at the first contact, then sighed as the cool lotion spread over the stinging area. Nick applied more, rubbing softly all over the redness. He was engrossed in his task, watching his hand slide over Jeff's exposed skin, feeling the contrast of the cool lotion against the heated flesh, the soft, intermittent sighs escaping Jeff's mouth. It was mesmerizing.

When he didn't think Jeff's skin would absorb any more lotion, he set the bottle aside and rubbed the remaining lotion into his own hands.

"I'm going to pull your pants up now, okay Jeff? It's probably going to hurt."

Jeff nodded, the movement accompanied by a soft "mmm" sound. There was another hiss when the fabric of his sweatpants met his skin, but he didn't say anything.

"Roll back onto your side, sweetie, and scoot over a bit."

Jeff obeyed, apparently without thought, and Nick crawled onto the bed, pulling Jeff to him so he was sort of sprawled on top of Nick's body. Nick rubbed his back, occasionally bringing his hand up to the back of Jeff's neck and fiddling with the hair at the nape. Jeff nuzzled his face into the crook of Nick's neck, sighing softly.

Nick lay there, enjoying the closeness and the warmth of Jeff's body over his. He felt Jeff's slow, soft breaths against his neck, and it made him shiver. He continued to rub his hands over Jeff's back and into his hair, feeling the blonde relax more and more against him.

After a few minutes, he began to softly stroke Jeff's cheek.

"How are you feeling Jeffie?"

Jeff raised his head to look into Nick's eyes, their faces only inches apart.

"I feel…" He tilted his head sweetly, long thick lashes fluttering over his shining brown eyes. "…relieved. Warm. Safe." He turned his face into Nick's caress. "Thank you. For taking care of me."

His warm gaze bore into Nick's, their eyes holding steady. Nick's thumb moved across Jeff's smooth skin, migrating down to the corner of his plump, pink lips. Without a thought, he raised his head to press their mouths together, simultaneously using the hand in Jeff's hair to tug him downward.

Nick's mind tingled with the contact he had been craving for longer than he would like to admit. He had always considered Jeff as his best friend, had never hoped for more. But he remembered the day they met, remembered his first glimpse of the soft blonde hair, the pale skin, the lithe body, and he couldn't help from that day onward but to wish for just one taste of the beautiful boy's lips. And now Jeff was kissing him back, clutching the front of his shirt in tight fists. His soft, pliant mouth opened to Nick's will, his sweet tongue softly sliding against Nick's. It was warm. It was delicious. It was heaven.

Before he knew what he was doing, Nick raised his shoulders a bit and slid Jeff off of him and onto his side. His mouth still pressed hungrily against Jeff's, Nick rolled further so he could lay himself atop Jeff's willing body.

The swirling glow in Nick's mind was suddenly wiped away when a sharp hiss emanated from Jeff's mouth. Nick stopped, only now realizing that he had just pressed Jeff's stinging ass against the comforter.

Jeff's eyes popped open. "Sir?" Even as he winced in pain, Jeff raised his head, trying to bring their lips back together.

Nick pulled back abruptly. "Oh my god." As he looked into Jeff's glazed eyes, he realized that the boy had yet to totally come back from his emotional and sensory overload. The confused look on Jeff's face confirmed that Nick could have done almost anything at this point and Jeff would not have refused him.

"I'm so sorry…" He scrambled off the bed, leaving a dazed, bewildered Jeff lying atop the comforter.

Jeff's eyes started to tear up. "Sir?" He raised his shoulders off the bed, resting on his elbows. "What did I do wrong?" He slid to the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, sir, please—please don't leave me…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I wasn't sure what to call Nick's slip-up with the kiss, so I went with "(unintentional) abuse of power." I figured that since he's new to this, he's susceptible to getting carried away. Don't worry, though, he'll learn.**

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**A/N: Thanks again for reading and reviewing/following/favoriting! And my continued gratitude to Dixi for her unfailing support and excellent advice. **

**Warning: Sub Drop (I think it's pretty minor, but I wanted to mention it. I'll also be adding a warning for the end of the previous chapter, just to be safe.) D/s dynamic.**

* * *

><p>"I'm <em>sorry<em>, I'll do better, I promise, sir…so, so sorry." Jeff reached toward Nick, tears streaking down his face. "Sorry, sorry…sir, please…"

Cursing his stupidity, Nick clambered hurriedly back onto the bed, almost smothering Jeff in the process.

"Shh, Jeffie, you didn't do anything wrong, baby. I'm right here, not gonna leave you, I promise." He wrapped his arms around Jeff, pulling him so they were lying on their sides facing each other, pressed tightly together. He draped a leg over both of Jeff's, trying to cover him as thoroughly as possible. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, you're perfect, so good and so sweet. You're a good boy, Jeffie, the _best _boy, and I'm right here for you. Right here…" He pulled Jeff's head toward his neck, tucking his own face into Jeff's shoulder. He could feel the long, slender body trembling in his embrace, and he had never felt like more of a dick.

All afternoon he'd been worried about getting turned on during this process, but it had never occurred to him that he'd have to keep his actual feelings in check. His emotional feelings, that is, not the physical ones. He'd felt his affection for Jeff bubbling closer and closer to the surface over the last year or so. When he'd seen him for the first time after their last summer break, the boy nearly took Nick's breath away. But they were supposed to be just friends, and he didn't want to mess anything up. Eventually, he had decided he couldn't keep it in any longer, and he was just building up the courage to say something to Jeff when Jackson entered the picture.

And then it was too late. Jackson and Jeff were great together. Jackson was so attentive, and Jeff had seemed happy. Nick couldn't interfere with that. And now Jeff was single, for less than twenty-four hours, and Nick had already fucked it up. In so, so many ways.

As Nick silently berated himself, he continued to breathe soft words and hushes into Jeff's ear. After a while, he felt Jeff relax slightly against him, felt his breathing even out and his cheek begin to dry against Nick's neck. He rolled onto his back, pulling Jeff on top of him and keeping his arms gripped tightly around his friend. He took a slow, deep breath.

"How are you feeling, Jeff? Any better?"

Jeff nodded slightly and made a soft noise somewhere between a hum and a whimper, but mostly he just nuzzled his face closer to Nick's neck. Jeff's cheek was hot against Nick's skin, and he was still heaving the occasional shaky sigh. Nick racked his brain for what he could do to make him feel better.

He remembered the water bottle left on the nightstand from earlier, and he reached out an arm to grab it. Jeff whimpered and clung more tightly to Nick's torso.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm just grabbing the water," he whispered. _Damn it, why do I suck so bad at this? _he thought. Of course he should have warned Jeff before moving at all, even if it was just one arm.

With both arms once again wrapped around Jeff's torso, he blindly unscrewed the cap behind Jeff's back, then brought the bottle around to hold it in front of Jeff's face.

"Will you take a sip of water, Jeffie?" Jeff nodded, his eyes barely open, and Nick carefully held the opening up to his red, puffed lips. Tipping the bottle gingerly, he poured a small amount into Jeff's mouth, and the distraught boy swallowed slowly. "Good, that's a good boy, beautiful. A little bit more, okay?" Jeff just opened his mouth compliantly, allowing more water to trickle past his lips.

Satisfied for the moment, Nick recapped the bottle and—this time warning Jeff first—stretched his hand out to place it back on the nightstand. Then he wrapped Jeff back up in his arms, pulling him on top of his body and rubbing his back gently.

"Just rest, okay, sweetheart?"

Jeff hummed, a slightly calmer, warmer sound now, and relaxed a bit more against Nick's embrace. Nick almost didn't hear the sleepy, whispered words that slipped from Jeff's mouth.

"I'm a good boy?"

Nick sighed.

"The best."

* * *

><p>Jeff woke with a slight headache but a relaxed body. Memories from earlier flashed through his mind: Nick's palm pressing his shoulders into the bed; the hot, stinging, cleansing pain; Nick's soft words and warm body wrapping around him.<p>

He felt a sudden prickle of cold all over his skin, and then he remembered. _Nick left me_. He started to shiver slightly, the echo of that horrible feeling washing over him. _He was there, holding me and comforting me. He told me I was a good boy, I was forgiven. He touched me and caressed me just like I asked him to, and then he _left. He could feel the threat of tears stinging behind his eyes. He remembered Nick coming back, wrapping him up again, swearing he didn't do anything wrong. He promised he wouldn't leave him alone, promised he was a good boy. Called him beautiful.

Jeff sighed and shifted on the bed, more confused than anything else. Then he felt a movement underneath him and it was only at this point that he realized he was still draped over Nick's body, strong arms still cinched around him, even one of Nick's calves was hooked around the back of Jeff's legs as if he was trying to make a _Jeff_ burrito. Jeff snickered a little at that and raised his head to look at Nick's face.

The intense dark eyes peering back at him made him do a double-take. He'd assumed Nick would be asleep as well, he was so still. But those eyes were just watching him, warm and deep and full of…something.

He raised up onto his hands and knees, Nick loosening his hold to allow a little space between them.

"Are you okay, Jeff?" Nick's voice was quiet, guilty, and his eyes widened as he searched Jeff's face.

Jeff sat back on his heels, sighing heavily.

"I'm okay. I'm better." He tore his gaze away from Nick's and looked down at his own hands. "I don't understand, though. Why did you try to leave me, Nick? Was I…did I do something wrong?"

"No!" The word came out kind of choked, and Nick took a second to calm down. Jeff felt Nick's warm fingers brushing through the bangs sweeping his forehead. "No, you were perfect. I just—it was a kneejerk reaction. I know it was wrong, but I just felt so bad and I didn't want to hurt you any more."

Jeff looked up, tilted his head in confusion. "That was the point, though. You punished me, and it was…perfect. I was in such a good place. I thought you understood my need for that pain. I don't want you to do it if it makes you feel bad, but I thought things were going so well. You were so sweet and attentive. You were just what I needed…until you left me…."

Nick sat up now, kneeling in front of Jeff on the bed. He was staring into Jeff's eyes as if looking for some kind of answer.

"Jeff…it wasn't the punishment that I felt bad about. That was fine. It was…actually kind of beautiful."

Jeff blushed a little at that, but watched Nick's face, waiting for an explanation.

"I got…carried away, and I took advantage of you, and—god, you didn't even realize it, did you?" He shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

Jeff shuffled closer so that their knees were just touching, and he grabbed one of Nick's hands in his own. The droop in his friend's shoulders and the pain in his eyes made Jeff want to comfort him now, even though he was still a bit upset and a lot confused about this whole thing.

"Jeff, do you remember…kissing me?"

Jeff inhaled sharply. _Yes_. He remembered now. The soft slide of lips, the warm, wet caress of Nick's tongue against his own…okaaaaay, yeah. Now that he thought about it, that was _not_ a normal activity for them. But at the time it had felt so _right_. Perfect. Nick had pressed closer and closer, their bodies clinging to each other. It was warm and safe and _good_. But now…

He looked up at Nick, then down at their hands wrapped up together. He let go quickly.

"I'm so sorry, Nicky. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I was just feeling so good, and so warm and safe, I guess I just got carried away? Honestly, I'm a bit fuzzy on the whole thing."

Nick laughed, which Jeff though seemed a bit out of the blue. He quirked his eyebrow at his friend.

"Jeff, you didn't kiss me. I mean, you kissed me _back_, but I started it." Nick's eyes lowered to the comforter. "I didn't plan to, but you just looked so sweet, so beautiful, and you were in my arms, and I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that, I _know_ it was stupid and you were in a fragile state, and I obviously didn't have as much control over my feelings for you as I thought I did. Actually I've been more worried all day about popping a boner than anything…." Nick's eyes widened and his mouth snapped shut, and Jeff couldn't help a small giggle from escaping.

"Aaaaaaanyway, the point is that I was freaked out when I realized I was taking advantage of you, and that's why I…kind of…fell off the bed." Jeff giggled again, although it turned into a bit of a snort this time. Nick smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, it wasn't very graceful."

"Nick, I—"

"Look, the point is, I shouldn't have left you, you told me how important it was to hold you and not let you go, and I did it anyway, and I shouldn't have no matter what kind of stupid mistake I made, and I'm so sorry. Please forgive me? I want you to be able to trust me, so I can help you and be there for you however you need, please Jeffie—"

Jeff grabbed Nick's hand with one of his own, and covered Nick's mouth with the other.

"Nick?"

"Mmhmpf?" he replied against Jeff's palm.

"I'm gonna need you to speak in shorter bursts, okay? Maybe let me get a word in?"

"Mkhmp."

Jeff smiled. "Good. So is it my turn to talk now?"

Mouth still covered, Nick nodded twice.

"Okay." Jeff finally removed his hand. "First of all, I do forgive you." Nick smiled hopefully, but Jeff just squeezed his hand and kept going. "But it sucked. I trusted you to take care of me, and you let your emotions get in the way. And that hurt me. I know you're human and you're not perfect, but when I'm that vulnerable, I need you to just suck it up, okay?"

Nick swallowed, finally silent, and nodded in understanding. Jeff could see his eyes getting a little moist.

"But it was your first time. It was an accident. I realize it was a totally new experience for you. There's no way you could have known how you would react that first time." He rubbed his thumb along the back of Nick's hand. "I'm not mad at you, okay? I know your feel bad about it, but just…learn, I guess. You'll get better, and now that you've had this experience, you'll know not to do it again, right?"

"I won't, Jeff, I promise!" Nick leaned forwarded eagerly. "Are you saying that you're not, uh, firing me? We'll get to do it again?"

Jeff smiled. "Yeah, if you want to. I do still trust you, Nick, but maybe we need to try some slow, simple stuff. And you were right about the list."

Nick nodded, almost frantically. "Yeah, yes. I'll print that out as soon as I can. Yes. I'm so glad you're giving me another chance, Jeff, I thought I'd screwed it all up, and I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me, Nick, even if we didn't do this any more. But we also need to talk about…um, the kiss, and everything…"

Nick sighed. "Right. Well, I've been trying to hold back, but I've had feelings for you for a while now. I didn't want to mess up our friendship, though, and when I finally decided I needed to tell you, you started dating Jackson. So I just kept my mouth shut."

"But I've been dating Jackson for months. All that time, and you still feel this way?"

Nick looked down for a moment, then back up to Jeff's eyes.

"I can't imagine ever _not_ feeling this way." He blushed, and Jeff didn't know what to say. There was a short silence before Nick continued. "But I realize you've been single for less than a day, and I wasn't going to say anything right away. I wanted to give you time, you know? I mean, not that I'm assuming I have a chance or anything…I just wanted you to know how I felt. I didn't mean for it to come out like this though. But I do care about you, and I…I wanted you to know."

Jeff took a deep breath as Nick petered out in a shy whisper. He was a bit overwhelmed, but he knew he had to say something before Nick gave himself an aneurism.

"I agree with you, Nick," Jeff started, and his friend's head snapped up.

"Really?" His tilted his head, his eyebrows scrunched up. "Wait, which part?"

Jeff laughed quietly. "I _have _only been single for a day, Nicky. I still have some stuff to work through. I have to take some time to get over Jackson. I did have strong feelings him, and those won't just go away."

Nick's shoulders sagged. "Oh, yeah. I get that. For sure." He shifted his eyes around the room, clearly trying to keep his emotions under the surface.

"But I'd be lying if I said that kissing you wasn't amazing." Nick blushed and smiled, but Jeff pushed on. "And if I claimed I hadn't imagined it an embarrassing number of times in the past." Now Jeff could feel himself blushing. "Maybe that's why it felt so natural and comforting to me. It was like, a reward, I guess."

"But it shouldn't have been our _first_ kiss," Nick mumbled sullenly.

"No," Jeff snickered, "you definitely got a bit ahead of yourself there. But this…experiment, the steps we're taking to change our relationship, the way you've just jumped into this completely new world—it's bold, and it's brave, but it's also confusing." He raised a hand to lightly cup the side of Nick's neck. "We have to be careful. We have to go slow."

He swallowed, letting the tips of his fingers slip up into the soft hair at the back of Nick's head. "But I want to do this. And I think…for now, let's call ourselves friends." He tugged thoughtfully at the hair between his fingers. "Do you think we could just go slow with that, too? Be honest about what we feel but not rush into anything romantic?"

Nick's eyes had closed, and he swallowed thickly as he nodded in agreement.

"That's, um, I think that's a good idea, but if we're going to be friends for now, can you—can you stop doing that with your fingers…please?"

Jeff inhaled sharply and yanked his hand back. "Sorry."

"Thanks," Nick sighed, sounding both relieved and disappointed. "It's just, you said a good Dom can keep his emotions under control, and that's obviously something I need to work on. So I need practice. And I need to work on focus."

"And I'll try to go slow, take small steps, and make sure you know what I need all the time. I don't want to ask too much of you. And Nick?"

Nick nodded.

"Okay, so we agree you made a mistake with the kiss, and then with the leaping out of bed." He grabbed one of Nick's hand. "But before that, and even _after_ that, you were amazing, Nicky."

Nick smiled. "Really?"

Jeff shuffled closer. "Yes! You were perfect. You got me into the right frame of mind right before the punishment, with your stern voice, and your simple orders. You were so…strong, I guess, and steady, when you were spanking me. You made me feel safe and like you were in total control. And you were so sweet when it was over, applying the lotion, holding me, talking quietly to me the whole time. It was wonderful. And even after you messed up, you calmed me down as well as you could. You held me tight and got me to stop panicking and crying, and you made me feel better. When I first woke up, it was those positive feelings that were still swimming through me. It was you first time. You made a mistake, but you were always looking out for me, and that's what I need…that's what I _want_ from you."

"I'll get better, I promise, Jeff, but I will always, _always_ be looking out for you. I'll learn everything I can so I can be a better Dom to you, and I'll pay attention to you so I can learn what you need. We'll be so careful from now on. We'll set rules, and figure out as much as we can so that I can take the best care of you possible. I promise."

"Thank you Nicky." Both of their hands were clasped together now, their faces within inches of each other. Jeff rested his forehead against Nick's. "And with that in mind, I think it's time we take a look at that list."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you so much for the encouragement I have received recently. I know it has been a VERY LONG time since I posted on this story. I've been going through some stuff, but I'm starting to get to a better place, and writing helps a lot. I was just thinking how fun it would be to get back to writing this story when I received the first of several out-of-the-blue follows and reviews. It must be fate ;-) I hope you all enjoy! 3**

Nick turned on his computer and started to pull up the website where he'd found the checklist, when there was a quiet knock on the door. Jeff moved to get up from the bed, but Nick stopped him.

"Just relax Jeffie," he said quietly, running his fingers lightly down the boy's pale cheek. "You've had a long day." Jeff's eyes fluttered closed momentarily before he aimed the sweetest smile at Nick.

"Thanks," he sighed, relaxing down against the pillows.

Nick's heart clenched as he walked to the door. What wouldn't he give to see that smile on Jeff's face all the time?

It was Trent, as it turned out, bearing a tray piled with sandwiches tucked around bowls of soup and accompanied by a glass of orange juice.

"How's Jeff?" he asked, before Nick could even say hello. Nick looked over his shoulder at the bed to find Jeff still leaning back, but peeking interestedly at the tray full of food.

"Better, thanks. He's been having a rough time, but he's better."

Trent sighed with relief. "I'm glad. I noticed you guys never made it down for dinner, and the cafeteria's about to close, so I thought I'd bring you something in case you were hungry." He held the tray a little further out from his body like an offering.

"Thanks, man!" Nick stepped back, opening the door wider so Trent could come inside. "Just set it on the desk, I guess. You hungry, Jeff?"

"Totally," he responded enthusiastically, hopping up from the bed. Nick turned his head sharply and looked him in the eye, and Jeff stopped in his tracks.

"Just have a seat, and I'll fix you a plate." He hoped it sounded enough like a suggestion for Trent's ears, but Jeff immediately sat back down, propping some pillows behind him so he wouldn't be leaning as far back as before. "You should rest."

"Thank you, Nick." It was quiet but weighted, and Nick knew he and Jeff were on the same page.

Trent didn't seem to notice the exchange at all. He was still busying himself with setting out the small plates he had stacked on the tray and sorting through the sandwiches.

"I brought tuna, egg salad, and PB and J. And there's a bowl each of tomato, mushroom, and chicken noodle soup."

Nick noticed there were three plates on the desk and smiled. Trent was definitely a caring and thoughtful guy, but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy his share of gossip.

"You want to eat with us, T? We could watch something on Netflix."

Trent put on a mild show of not wanting to intrude before accepting the invitation with a grin.

Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After watching two episodes of _Cake Boss_ (Trent's suggestion), the food was all gone and all three boys were relaxed and happy. Nick and Jeff were lounging on their beds and Trent was spinning aimlessly back and forth in the desk chair.

When Nick closed the laptop, Trent stopped twirling and leaned forward.

"So, are you really okay, Jeff? You looked…upset in the cafeteria before. Is there something wrong?"

Jeff blushed and glanced sideways at Nick, who just shrugged with an open expression. Jeff took that to mean he was free to explain as much as he wanted to.

"I'm okay, thanks, man. I just, um…Jackson broke up with me, and I—"

"That bastard!" Trent stood up and moved over to Jeff's bed, sitting at his side. "I always knew he wasn't good enough for you."

"No," Jeff replied with an appreciative smile. "Thanks, but it was my fault. I, um, I lied to him about something, and he wasn't cool with it, which is totally reasonable." He dropped his head, waiting for a reprimand from Trent.

There was a brief pause, but it never came.

"Well, that sucks, but I'm sure you had your reasons, right?"

"Kinda…" Jeff said quietly.

"So he probably just overreacted and he doesn't deserve you anyway. Well," he continued, moving around the room to stack the dishes back on the tray. "I'll take these down to the kitchen." Nick got up to open the door for him, and Trent turned back at the threshold. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. And I hope you feel better."

Jeff smiled with watery eyes. "Thanks."

They said goodnight and Nick closed and locked the door behind Trent.

Jeff watched him nervously as Nick turned back to face him.

"Was—was that okay?" he asked meekly.

Nick sighed and snuggled onto Jeff's bed, nudging him over a bit to make room.

"Of course that was okay, sweetie. It's your story to tell, so you get to tell as much or as little as you want. You don't have to share all your secrets with the whole world—which is what would happen if Trent found out—just to relieve your guilt."

Jeff chuckled at the comment about Trent. It was true. But then he looked down at his hands. He still felt like he wasn't taking enough of the blame in the explanation he gave Trent. He felt a warm hand under his chin, pulling his gaze up.

"Look, you already had your punishment. This is between you and Jackson, and even then you can't force him to forgive you. You know what you did was wrong, you manned up and accepted the consequences, and you're going to show Jackson how sorry you are. There's nothing else to do. And until Jackson's ready to talk to you, there's nothing else to worry about either, okay?" Jeff gazed uncertainly into his determined eyes. "_Okay?_"

"Yes sir." It came out as a mumble, but Jeff hoped Nick could tell he was sincere. He was willing to accept Nick's forgiveness and the absolution of his punishment. He knew Nick wanted the best for him and wouldn't let him do the wrong thing if he could help it.

While Nick still watched him intently, Jeff lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Nick's neck. He buried his face in Nick's shoulder and held on tightly.

"Thank you sir," he murmured, and he felt strong arms circle his waist and pull him closer. After a moment, he felt a hand in his hair, and it felt so good and so comforting that he couldn't help a quiet moan from escaping him.

Nick immediately froze in his arms, and Jeff looked up.

"I'm sorry Nicky. I know what you mean about the touching now." He pulled back slightly so they were only holding hands and could look into each other's eyes. "It feels awesome, but we need to be careful."

"I know," Nick sighed. "I'm sorry, I guess I just got caught up."

Jeff felt himself smirking. "At least we didn't make out this time." He saw Nick's eyes flicker down to his mouth, but then he was laughing and getting up off the bed.

"Yeah, I guess that's an improvement." He opened his computer, but then shut it again. "Look, I know we need to go over that list, but I'm really tired. Would you mind doing it tomorrow? First thing, I promise."

Jeff smiled. "Sure. I'm tired too." He thought for a moment. "I think we better sleep in our own beds tonight though. As much as I love sleeping with you—" He stopped himself. "I mean, um, having you on top of me…shit, you know what I mean…" He smiled sheepishly as Nick nodded in agreement, a huge grin on his face. "Anyway, I think we should have a little space until we work out some of the—god, I was going to say _kinks_ just now. I think I need some sleep…" He trailed off and flopped back onto his bed.

"Okay," Nick laughed. "We'll wait until tomorrow to work out those kinks…"

"Oh, shut up."

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The next morning, Nick woke up around eight o'clock, and Jeff was still sleeping. Peacefully, he noted with relief. He got up and got dressed, taking his time brushing his teeth and combing his hair, until he finally decided he should just go ahead and wake Jeff up. They had things to do, after all.

He knelt by Jeff's bed, reaching a hand out to nudge his shoulder.

"Wake up Jeffie." Jeff mumbled in his sleep but didn't stir. Nick nudged a little harder. "It's almost nine o'clock. You should get up so we can get started. Plus, we don't want to miss breakfast."

"Breakfast?" Jeff almost shouted, sitting up abruptly in his bed, his eyes still closed and his hair sticking up in all directions. He turned his head from side to side as if expecting to smell bacon and eggs right there at his bedside.

"Yes," Nick laughed. "In the cafeteria. Where the food lives."

Jeff groaned but stayed upright, slowly untangling himself from his blankets and swinging his legs to the side of the bed.

"Fine, I'm getting up."

"Good. Then after breakfast we'll get started on that list."

If Nick thought Jeff was enthusiastic about breakfast, it was nothing compared to his reaction now.

"Yes! The list—we'll go over hard and soft limits, things we want to try…ooh—can we talk about the stuff I have in my closet?" He looked pleadingly at Nick, who just smiled indulgently.

"Of course Jeffie. Whatever you want. We'll talk about everything. We're going to do this right, I promise."

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An hour later (Nick had to keep Jeff from scarfing down his food and choking on his own orange juice), the boys were back on Nick's bed with his laptop open. He had the checklist website up on one side of the screen and a word document open on the other side. Jeff immediately began pointing out things on the website.

"Okay, chill dude." Jeff pulled his hand back at the light reprimand. "Let's just go through this one item at a time. We don't want to miss anything."

"Sorry Nicky," Jeff whispered, his head bowed in contrition. "I'm just really excited."

Nick winked at him, and he blushed. "Me too."

So they started with the first item on the list. It was in alphabetical order, which led to the hot blush Jeff could feel creeping up his face.

"Um, do you think we should talk about _everything_ right now, or just stick to the non-sexual stuff?" He lowered his eyes to his lap, then looked at Nick again. "I don't want any of this to be uncomfortable."

Nick chuckled, his own face a touch darker than normal. "Jeffie, I don't think we'll be able to get through this without some discomfort." Jeff tilted his head away, but immediately felt Nicks fingers on his chin. "But it's all going to work out. And it'll make everything better in the end, I promise."

Jeff smiled, but still glanced warily at that first item on the list. Nick's face became serious with a hint of…something else as well.

"And I think we might as well cover everything now. We'll just know that we're holding off on the sex stuff for now, and if there's any confusion, we'll clarify. That sound good?"

Jeff, smiled broadly at his friend, and then glanced with another blush back to the screen.

"So, I take it that's a _yes_ on 'anal play?'" Nick smirked.

Jeff nodded shyly at first, but then forced himself to look Nick in the eyes.

"Duh." He tried to say it with his usual amount of sass, but it still came out embarrassed.

Nick studiously turned his eyes back to the computer.

"Okay." He typed the words in the 'Essential' column on the word document. Then he looked at the next item. "'Beating?' Is that—?" He stopped himself as he scrolled down the page. "Well, I guess that includes the spanking and crops and stuff. But jeez, Jeffie, it makes it sound so _harsh_. I didn't feel like I was _beating _you yesterday."

"That's because the word sounds non-consensual to you. But it's not. It's just a broad term. We could use 'striking' or something instead if it makes you more comfortable."

"N-no, it's okay. I'll get used to it. But thanks." Nick's grateful smile was so beautiful that Jeff wanted to hug him, but he figured now was not the time.

"Right. So, what's next?"

They talked about implements (_yes_ to canes and floggers—"with practice first," Nick insisted—_no _to hairbrushes—Jeff didn't see the appeal and Nick was on the same page), the severity of the beating ("we'll work up to it slowly, Nicky"), and where on Jeff's body Nick was allowed to strike (not the feet and _definitely _not the genitals, because _ouch_).

They skipped quickly over 'bestiality' ("Isn't that illegal?" Jeff just shrugged in response) but then easily agreed about the eroticism of biting and blindfolding.

"Wait," Nick stopped them. Jeff looked away from the screen to give him his full attention. "So, biting is sexy, like with hickeys and stuff, and so are blindfolds."

"Yeah," Jeff answered slowly.

"But like, can blindfolds be _not_ sexy too?"

Jeff smiled. "Of course. Sorry. Yeah, they're really good for punishments, because then I don't know when the strikes or whatever else is coming. I do have a hard limit where you're not allowed to leave the room during a scene. It's too scary if I'm in that headspace to be left alone. If I was blindfolded, part of the effect is that I wouldn't be able to see that you're in the room. I have to trust you to not leave me. It can be uncomfortable just because of that, which makes it a good punishment. It's part of sense deprivation, which can be used both in sexual and nonsexual scenes."

Nick nodded, eyes wide.

"But it's a careful balance. If you're touching me, or speaking to me then I'm usually perfectly fine. But if I can't at least hear that you're there, I might get scared."

"Oh Jeffie, I would never—"

"I know." Jeff held up a hand, silencing Nick. "But it's scary. And if I'm being punished, my thoughts often go to the darkest places. You can use that as a punishment, as long as you don't leave the room, but if I get too scared, I might safeword, at least with 'yellow,' just to make sure I'm not alone. And if you just assure me you're still there, we should be able to go right back into the scene."

Nick was staring at Jeff, his head tilted slightly.

"That's…that's really—" Jeff winced internally, waiting to be told he was weak or a coward or something.

"That's really brave, Jeffie." Jeff slumped a little with relief, then looked up to see what he could only describe as adoring eyes gazing back at him. "I guess it's like the rock climbing thing, but harder, because you're letting someone else decide how high you go." He placed a hand gently on Jeff's forearm. "I promise, I'll be careful. And we won't even use that for a long time. I wouldn't ask you to trust me to that extreme right away."

With a soft sniffle, Jeff rested his head on Nick's shoulder. "You're going to be a great Dom, Nicky. I can't wait." He felt Nick shiver against him, and looked up to see Nick's big, dark eyes boring into him. He pulled back slowly. "Um, let's get back to the list, huh?"

"Yeah." Nick nodded. "But I have a question first." He looked down for a second, then turned that same intense gaze on Jeff's face again. "This is exclusive, right? I mean, you could date someone else I guess." His eye twitched a little at that. "But, I'll be your only Dom, right? I just, I don't know if I could handle someone else touching you like that, or punishing you, or—or rewarding you…while I'm doing those things for you. Does that, I mean, is that fair?"

"That's totally fair, Nick. And I wouldn't want it any other way either. You're the only Dom I want. I only went to those guys at the club because I didn't have someone like you."

Nick wrapped his arms around Jeff's waist and pulled him into a hug.

"You've always had me, Jeffie."


End file.
